Toren Atkinson’s Absolute Blog

Somebody called today. They failed the “leave a message” test.

22. Ball Falls on Line
A ball falling on a line is regarded as falling in the Court bounded by that line.

USTA Comment: In a non-officiated match, each player makes the call on any ball hit toward his side of the net. If a player cannot call a ball out with certainty he should regard it as good. In doubles, normally the Receiver’s partner makes the calls with respect to the service line, with the Receiver calling the side and center lines, but either partner may make the call on any ball he clearly sees out.

26. Score in a Game
a. If a player wins his first point, the score is called 15 for that player; on winning his second point, the score is called 30 for that player; on winning his third point, the score is called 40 for that player, and the fourth point won by a player is scored game for that player except as below:-
If both players have won three points, the score is called deuce; and the next point won by a player is scored advantage for that player. If the same player wins the next point, he wins the game; if the other player wins the next point the score is again called deuce; and so on, until a player wins the two points immediately following the score at deuce, when the game is scored for that player.

27. Score in a Set
a. A player (or players) who first wins six games wins a set; except that he must win by a margin of two games over his opponent and where necessary a set is extended until this margin is achieved.

28. Maximum Number of Sets
The maximum number of sets in a match shall be 5, or, where women take part, 3. [what?]

http://tennis101.com/tennis-ball-machines-wilson-prince-lobster/Tennisrules.htm

Marlo arrived about 15 minutes early and I put in episode 1 of Reboot. Then Yvonne showed up and we watched the first episode of The Office. Dalia arrived and it was time for the first two episodes of Buffy. Ursula came as Dalia was leaving, and I popped in the first Black Books episode. Marlo went home and then Anghold arrived and we watched two episodes of Six Feet Under, and I got my hair dyed again (same blue colour as before, nice and dark). Ursula brought me candles and corn – just like that album by Stevie Ray Vaughn – remember? Candles ‘n’ Corn? Ok nevermind.

When I was looking at the bottle of fruit juice that Ang bought, I thought it would be funny if somebody had the name Phillip Shakewell.

I had a dream this morning that I found (in my room) a pair of pants that went up to my nipples. When I was trying them on some shirt got caught in the buttons and I couldn’t dislocate the two without tearing the shirt. I guess my subconscious is trying to tell me to stop wearing pants.

Just for my own edification I’m going to list what might be some good shows for Knitting in the Buff (besides Buffy).

Reboot. Pro: Broad story arc to follow.
Con: it starts off pretty slow and clunky. Doesn’t really get terribly interesting until the 3rd season; Might not be a favourite for this sophisticated crowd, but it’s only a half hour.

X-Men Evolution. Pro: Broad story arc; Will benefit Marlo in her newfound interest in superhero history. Con: see Reboot.

Black Books. Con: No real story arc. Pro: Hilarious!

Look Around You. Con: No real story arc. Pro: Enjoyable by all and only 9 minutes long.

Samurai Jack. Con: No real story arc; Episodes are hit and miss. Pro: Very easy to watch & entertaining.

The Tick. Con: No real story arc; Pro: Funny and only 22 mins.

The Office. No cons here. Only pros.

Spaced. Cons: takes a bit to get “into”; Lots of pop culture references that only hardcore nerds will get. Pros: The investment pays off.

I will now take suggestions. If I still had Star Trek: The Next Generation on tape we could watch those.

I celebrated my birthday today with a Homer-sized Simpsons cola thanks to Stewie and I watched Spider-Man 2. I liked it, though there was more cheese than the first one. Two interesting musical anecdotes:

One of the best parts in the movie is when Spidey & Doc Ock are fighting (big spoiler there) and the music stops. Quite powerful. Just goes to show that the absence of music can be just as important as its presence.

When the credits came up a big over-produced rock song started and I thought “that singer sure sounds like the guy from Dashboard Confessional.” Sure enough, when the credits got around to the music, there it was. Weird!

Also – is it the fact that I don’t like sushi make me perceive the guy who opened up a package of it and ate it as the movie started as a goon, or would that be a general perception?

Lastly, there is a nice surprise in the opening credits for Chris Woods.

I got some spam today that read:

The permanent solution to Penis Enlargement

LIMITED OFFER: Add atleast 4 inches or get your money back!

I guess penis enlargement has become such a problem that it needs a solution – and a permanent one at that!

The Best of Star Trek: The Next Generation
Toren’s Guide

SEASON ONE Datalore

Special moments:
Groppler “I’ve done nothing wrong!” Zorn from Encounter at Farpoint did the voice for Zan (Wonder Twins)

SEASON TWO Q Who

Worst episode: Shades of Grey (The only way for Riker to survive a virus is to have flashbacks)

Special moments:
“We need their computer things”

SEASON THREE Deja Q

Special mentions: The Ensigns of Command; The Enemy; The Survivors; The Hunted; Yesterday’s Enterprise; Allegiance; Hollow Pursuits; The Most Toys; – clearly a strong season.

Special moments:
Geordie doing a heroic roll under a very…slowly…closing door.

SEASON FOUR Brothers

Special Mentions: Best of Both Worlds 2; Clues; The Nth Degree; The Mind’s Eye

Worst episode: Devil’s Due

SEASON FIVE Darmok

Special Mentions: I, Borg; The Inner Light

Special moments: Frasier as a Starfleet Captain in “Cause and Effect”

SEASON SIX Starship Mine

Special Mentions: Timescape; Chain of Command 1-2 “There are four lights!”

Special moments: Scotty is tired and old in “Relics”

SEASON SEVEN Lower Decks

Special Mention: All Good Things

Worst episodes: Sub Rosa; Masks

No season could be complete without:
1. Lwaxana Troi finds a new man
2. Something goes wrong with the holodeck
3. A deadly time paradox!
4. A Worf’s Klingon destiney episode

I’ll say it again – Don’t forget to vote today!

Have you seen that commercial for Pert shampoo where they dis the other brands for having too many options, and having ylang ylang* in their products? That may be the strongest marketing campaign in the history of tv commercials. Now I’m not for or against ylang ylang per se, but they’re just being jerks.

*google turned up that ylang ylang is from a flower, the oil of which has “rejuvenating” qualities on skin and hair.

Listening to the Fugazi album Repeater in its entirety tonight really “took me back” to the “good” old “days” of 1990. The other day when I was in Virgin with Sid I was reading the song titles on the back of a Pixies album that I haven’t had for years, and same thing. And a certain something about the announcer telling me not to miss Three’s Company overtop of the end credits for Superfriends: The Legendary Super Powers Show whisked me, disconcertedly, back to a very specific “feeling” of 1984. For a moment, I was there in the basement of our home in Chilliwack, in the same room I taped The Real Ghostbusters religiously every Saturday morning. I remember for a while they were airing on two different channels – two different episodes. Maddening. Well, Captain Star starts in 8 minutes, I better get my tape ready. The more things change….