Toren Atkinson’s Absolute Blog

Enjoy Spring 2004 while you can, because it’s about to be gone forever.

Also - what’s the deal with the intolerable hotness these past 2 days? And I don’t mean me with my shirt off. Yvonne promised me a thunderstorm tonight and I feel cheated.

Please god, let it be cooler tomorrow. I give you so much and ask so little in return, you can do this one little favour for me, ok? I promise when I arrive in Heaven I won’t embarrass you by showing everyone your baby photos. Remember when I was 10 and I gave you that ultimatum - that if I didn’t have superpowers by the time I was 11 I would stop believing in you? I realize now that you gave me the power to RAWK and also I am a super-kisser, but at the time I didn’t know (and thanks a lot for not letting me find out until 8 years later, you prick), so I apologize for being an atheist for 22 years. No hard feelings, right? I’ll make it up to you by converting Marlo. But after that we’re even and I’m going back to waiting out death on the couch in front of the tube. Is “Wings” still on?

Kodos has been sick the past few days, but I think he’s getting better. Maybe he was just sick about Stewie being gone for so long (Toronto). He threw up quite a bit and I caught him trying to pee on things that aren’t supposed to be peed on (least of all by him), and sometimes succeeding. Well - I was going to throw that jacket out anyway. I was suspecting at first that it was the dry cat food I’ve been feeding him - you’re not supposed to feed male cats dry cat food because crystals build up in his urinary tract - it’s all very complicated and sciencey- any vet will tell you. But, I think he just had kitty flu. But - I won’t be feeding him any more of that dry cat food for a while, I’ll tell you that. So there is constant vigilance over here, but luckily I know Kodos well enough that I almost have a sixth sense when something is going wrong. For example if you’re in the living room and eating a burrito and he’s not by the couch pawing at your leg, shenanigans are afoot. There’s a trick I learned on my very own to make sure Kodos is getting enough liquids - dip him in the sink. It’s probably a bit on the traumatic side for him but then he slinks off and spends the next hour licking himself so its win-win. Uh, both of those wins are for me, by the way. Sometimes when I’m in the can he’ll wander in and start meowing, so I turn on the bathtub faucet just a tiny bit, and he’ll drink from the stream, constantly sneezing as water gets in his nose (he’s a bit of an idiot). It’s a well-documented factoid that cats prefer to drink water when it’s running. Who can blame the little cuties? I’m sure you feel the same way. I used to keep a bowl of water by his food bowl but instead of drinking it he’d just knock it over from time to time (see idiot note above), and that’s in everyone’s worst interests.

I watched a lot of lovely ladies try on clothes tonight, as Anghold threw a clothes-trading party. I took a few items there but brought back a telephone, a Superman comic on tape, and some other nifty stuff, including a little case that will replace my old Country Crock margarine container as my long-time* dice domicile. It was a lot of fun. Highlights include Marlo trying on a Budweiser swimsuit, Chold burying himself in the pile of clothes and Miikey seeing him as a pile of trash and then being unable to resist humping him, and then MST3K-ing some terrible pornography. Yes, a night to remember.

*since 1990 or so, I’d wager. Truly the end of an era.