Toren Atkinson’s Absolute Blog

If you go to Popcap.com and start playing Astro Pop (“galactic puzzlement!”) and enjoy it, do yourself a favour and resist the urge to download the “deluxe” version, because you will find that just when you’re getting your highest score ever on your highest level ever, and things are really starting to heat up, the program will close and tell you that your 60 minutes of trial time is over and that you need to register for $20 to play more, and you will want to put something large and brick-tasting through your computer monitor.

Linda Ronstadt was booed off the stage at the Aladdin casino in Las Vegas after she dedicated “Desperado” to Michael Moore; the casino’s management removed Ronstadt from the building and refused to let her return to her hotel room. [BBC]

People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals released a videotape of workers in a chicken factory stomping on live chickens and throwing them against a wall; the undercover investigator who documented the abuse said that he saw hundreds of cruel acts, including squeezing birds till they explode. [New York Times]

The Government Accountability Office said that the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan are running $12.3 billion over budget this year. [New York Times]

Janssen Pharmaceutica Products, a unit of Johnson & Johnson, warned doctors that it had “minimized potentially fatal risks, and made misleading claims” about Risperdal, an anti-schizophrenia drug; the drug can cause stroke, diabetes, and other fatal complications, the company said, and contrary to claims on the label it is not safer than similar drugs. It was reported that some boys who were given Risperdal in Florida, where it is used as a “chemical restraint” in state facilities, developed lactating breasts. [Miami Herald] The Bush Administration has decided that consumers should not be able to sue manufacturers of drugs that have been approved by the FDA. [New York Times]

An Italian city banned the practice of keeping goldfish in bowls. [Agence France-Presse]

Here here. And while they’re at it, let’s stop being jerks and keeping siamese fighting fish in coffee mug-sized glasses.

An alligator bit off a landscaper’s arm in Florida. [CNN] It was reported that one of the first lesbian couples to get married in Canada filed for divorce within five days, though Canadian law does not yet recognize same-sex divorce. [Globe and Mail]

Bit of an oversight there….

Researchers at Cold Spring Harbor found wide genetic variations among healthy people; many people lack large sequences of DNA; others have multiple copies. [Newsday] Researchers found that monkeys with good mothers are less likely to be aggressive, even if they have a gene that codes for aggression. [New Scientist]

Here’s a few things that have been bugging me lately.

Hizouse (sic?) – what’s the deal? Why do we need the “iz” in the middle of that word? What purpose does it serve? Where did it come from? Where is it going? In the gizarbage, I hizope. I’m so square.

f’ing or effing or whatever. Everyone knows that when you say “f’ing” you mean fucking, so why bother? I could kind of, possibly understand using it if you’re in the presence of a seven-year-old (but only if her parents are around), but if you’re hanging out with adults I don’t see the point. Whose delicate sensibilities are you trying to cushion? Same thing with friggin’ or frickin’ – I’ve heard both of those used. As a word, ‘fuck’s whole raison d’etre is to offend, so to water it down is to strip it of its sole purpose. But if you must soften the word fuck because it’s too vulgar, don’t use some lame bastardized version of a real word*. Try replacing it altogether with ’screw’ or ‘hell’ or ‘damn’. Those are actual words that actually mean actually something, and can add to your statements rather than confuse and muddle them.

*The word, by the way, apparently comes from (or was at least first printed in) an old poem written partly in English and partly in Latin in the 14th century. It’s translated from the latin “fuccant.” The poem is “Flen Flyss” (Fleas, Flies [and Friars]) and it satirized Roman Catholic monks who fornicated with the “wives of [the town] Ely.” More….

These grapes are shaped like pears and I find that disturbing. Maybe they were genetically modified to include genes from my oil painting instructor in college, who was also pear-shaped. They certainly do taste a little like paint thinner.

D&D tonight was fun, if hot. I blame Stewie for stealing one of the fans (I’m not really concerned whether or not it is his fan, thanks for asking) and keeping it in his room. And by that I mean I blame him for the heat, not for the fun. I blame the fun on Kelly, who brought home made blueberry ice cream. And by home made I mean it’s made in her home. I’m wary of restaurants who declare that I’ll love their “home made” meals. I choose to believe in that case that somebody is living in the restaurant, therefor it is his/her/their home, therefor the meals are ‘home made.’ I guess there could be rats who call the restaurant home too, so okay – yeah, by that logic, no matter where you go the meals are home made. Swanson tv dinners are home made because gypsies and spiders live in the factory. “It’s gypsy-licious!” their new ad campaign begins. No? I digress.

In D&D the kids are finally putting together pieces of the information I’ve been feeding them to come to various conclusions. These conclusions may be right or they may be wrong, I’ll never blog, but it’s nice to see them putting their heads together as a group. Most of the time NPCs will tell them what to do and they’ll just assume it’s what they’re supposed to do seeing as how it came from the DM. Not necessarily, my pretties, not necessarily. They parleyed, and in the words of Paul Simon, time it was oh what a time it was. Now they may make choices that I haven’t planned for and even though it means more improv for me, I think they’ll enjoy the campaign more that way, knowing I’m not railroading them.

If anybody wants to join Warren, Yvonne and me for Fahrenheit 9/11 tomorrow at 4:45 at the Park Theater please do!

Strictly for interest’s (whose I don’t know) sake, here’s a scale of music styles, and my feelings toward them.

The Passionometer!

—LOVE
Rock
Lounge
Techno
Jazz
Classical
Folk
Country
Pop
Hiphop
Rap
Reggae
—HATE

Of course there are no absolutes, and of course these classifications can be further divided. For example, Punk Rock – Soft Rock. I like some of both. I love Nomeansno but Janice Joplin rubs me the wrong way. I’m not even sure how Blues and Soul are defined, so I left them off the list. Special notes on jazz: the “experimental” jazz that is all over the board and has no rhythm I’m not fond of, but bouncy jazz, such as that of Glenn Miller, I love. Tom Waits – wherever he falls – equals good.

I find the music industry to be offensive, even though my experience with it is limited, but I more or less know how it works “behind the scenes” and I know that what we are presented with on the radio and tv as “the hits” have less to do with musical talent and more to do with marketing, style, and sex. As such, I have programmed MuchMusic out of the tv/vcr, so that when I’m channel surfing it gets skipped over. The cons outweigh the pros as I find myself offended or at least appalled even by glimpses of most music videos. This usually leaves me feeling a little embarrassed when I’m at another person’s house and Avril Lavigne comes on and everyone seems to know who it is and when I ask “who’s that” I get laughed at and I have to ask again. But it’s all monkeys in the pudding, and I’m fine with that. I don’t mind taking a percuss to the ego occasionally as a tradeoff for living in a world isolated from that brand of crappiness. I figure listening to the radio in Shoppers Drug Mart and other public places is enough exposure for my needs. I’ll just have to rely on my friends to tell me if anything good comes out of any given “scene” while my back is turned to the media that ostensibly introduces music its fans.

Stewie has agreed, at my behest, that should he outlive me, he will come to my funeral and make a scene. I believe the details of the scene are completely up to him, but I hope it will involve a lot of running around, and that the soundtrack will be this song: http://www.jefflewis.net/mp3.html

Things I’ve left at Ursula’s lately:

My apple spice yogurt (fruit on the bottom) from Safeway
My sunglasses
The audio book that I bought via eBay from some lady named Bernice for 99 cents and I didn’ t pay shipping because we arranged to exchange money at Bread Garden at 14th & Granville. No, I didn’t buy anything while I was there.

Michael sent me this link of a guy who made his computer case look like it could be H.P. Lovecraft’s pet…or something. It’s hard to describe so if you’re interested go to http://www.stonehill.org/casenotnamed/