Toren Atkinson’s Absolute Blog

http://www.templeofdagon.com/artists/toren-atkinson.htm

The proof is in the pudding.

The Darkest of the Hillside Thickets are NOT playing the Penny Arcade Expo.

Anyone want to be our bass player? Because we need one.

I had a dream this morning that I met too girls named Toreen and Torine (rhymes with ‘more wine’) and we decided to be friends. We passed a badminton court and I was all excited about playing. I also dreamt that I was taking care of Bubbles indefinitely. Bubbles is the german shepherd of my neighbor Janine who moved away to Ontario.

On to old news:

POLITICS
Russia offered to send a rich person to orbit the moon in exchange for $100 million.
The Senate passed the Support Our Scouts Act of 2005, guaranteeing the Boy Scouts the right to use federal land whether the organization discriminates against atheists and gays or not.
In California, a scoutmaster and a thirteen-year-old scout were killed by lightning.

The Bush Administration started referring to the War on Terror as “the global struggle against violent extremism”

SPACE
A huge patch of ice was discovered on Mars,[BBC News] and an object possibly larger than Pluto was discovered beyond the orbit of Neptune.

PEOPLE KILLING PEOPLE
A homeless man in Nashville, Tennessee, confessed to strangling two other homeless men. “I got addicted,” he explained, “to sucking the souls out of people.” A Florida man pleaded guilty to beating his wife to death because she wanted to cuddle after sex, In Los Angeles, cocaine was found in the bloodstream of a toddler who died when her father used her as a shield in a shootout with police. A seventy-eight-year-old Georgia woman, angry that her eighty-five-year-old ex-boyfriend was cheating on her, shot and killed him with an antique handgun. “I’d do it again,” she said.
Peter Schoomaker, the Army’s top general, revealed that the United States was developing a plan to keep at least 100,000 soldiers in Iraq through 2009.

ETCETERA
A Cambodian man found his mother after being separated from her for thirty years, then learned that she was also the mother of his wife. Kansas police took away, then returned, the left foot of an amputee named Ezekiel Rubottom, who had been keeping his foot in a bucket on a friend’s porch. “It’s all good,” said Rubottom. [Wow! I didn't think being an amputee was good.]
British zoo authorities sent a parrot into seclusion after the bird told two policemen, a mayor, and a vicar to fuck off.
A man in Yorkshire, England, filmed his own suicide on his mobile phone and beamed it to his girlfriend
A surprising number of dogs were jumping to their deaths from a bridge in Milton, Scotland, but no one knew why. “Everything dogs do is for a reason,” said a perplexed animal behaviorist. “They’re not stupid like we are.” [And they eat their own poo]

Scientists found that the male human brain has to work harder to listen to women than to listen to men.
A study found that the worldwide percentage of land stricken by drought has doubled within the last 30 years.
Police in New Hampshire found 10 stolen Segway scooters in a garage; apparently the thieves had been unable to sell them.
A study found that 1 in 25 fathers was unknowingly raising another man’s child, a situation referred to as “paternal discrepancy,”
A South Korean man played video games for 50 straight hours, then died.
Victoria Beckham, also known as Posh Spice, said that she had never read a book in her life, although she had written a 528-page autobiography.
Canada was considering sanctions against the United States after it refused to comply with a NAFTA ruling in favor of the Canadian lumber industry. In Victoria, Canada, methamphetamine addicts were stealing large numbers of bicycles because disassembling the bikes soothes them while they tweak.

We were supposed to have a band practice today, in preparation for the big PAX show, but Mario cancelled it. Since I work Monday to Wednesday, this was to be one of those not-so-common opportunities to get into Chilliwack for band practice. His requirements to play the show was to have three practices before the show, and that reality has just been clotheslined, if he meant for the singer to be at the practices.

However, that means that I’ve saved a minimum of 6 hours out of the day and just under $30. Now I can have the time to get lunchables for my work week and go to the post office, which I have just done. I also took in some garage sales, with some awesome finds, including:

Two glue guns and a bunch of glue sticks: $2
Expired film (6 rolls): $2
A Star Wars Jabba’s Palace action figure mold (for play-dough, fimo, etc) with Tusken Raider, Bib Fortuna and Gamorrean Guard: 50 cents
Another mold with a treasure pile, giant gem, and suchlike (not SW related): 50 cents

Total score: $5

Yesterday I went for a long bike ride with Marlo and Larissa, and we ended up at Kits Beach where there were way too many people and not enough sea life. But it was very choppy and the waves were high and it was very fun, if cold. I haven’t swam in the ocean around these parts. In fact I can’t remember the last time I swam in the ocean at all. We even saw a seal swimming with the other swimmers. No killer whales this time.

Then we came back to my place and watched The Poseidon Adventure with Stewie, Taylor and Darcey. That was fun even though the movie was stupid.

U.S. Treasury Secretary John Snow said that Canadian oil was important to American security.[Houston Chronicle]

a study found that circumcised men are less likely to contract HIV

It became clear that Karl Rove had leaked information about Valerie Plame to the press. In response, President George W. Bush, who had previously announced that he would fire anyone in his administration who was found to have leaked Plame’s identity, announced that he would actually fire only proven criminals.

a Florida man, worried that his three-year-old son might become a gay sissy, was accused of beating the boy to death.

Disney World started scanning the index and middle fingers of all visitors

A study found that the blood of newborn babies contained an average of two hundred industrial chemicals and pollutants including pesticides, perfluorochemicals, and waste from burning garbage

A Tennessee man was charged with desecrating a venerated object and sent to jail after he burned an American flag.

Many U.S. cities set records for high temperatures

A German magazine published a coupon for free sex with prostitutes

The U.S. House of Representatives voted to keep most of the USA Patriot Act, extending provisions that allow the search of library and medical records by ten years.

A study found that 24,865 civilians have been killed in Iraq during the last two years

A bipolar Indiana woman beat her two young sons to death with a dumbbell so that the boys could go to heaven.

authorities in Malaysia arrested fifty-eight people who worship a giant teapot

In Bowling for Columbine one of the main points was that fearmongering is a major source of social unrest, and all that that implies.

I thought it would be interesting to create a list of all the things that the media tells you to be afraid of, and then a list of what I think you should fear.

On the first list, here are a few things I can think of off the top of my head.

Things to fear (media)

Taking regular showers may cause harm to the nervous system
Chopsticks may cause arthritis
Teflon may cause cancer
Soy may cause cancer and brain damage
Tylenol may cause asthma
Birth control pill may cause cancer
Cell Phones may cause cataracts
Wood Smoke may cause lung cancer
PCBs may cause diabetes
Typing may cause tendonitis
Viagra may cause vision loss
Smog may cause lung problems
Farmed salmon may cause cancer
Anti-depression medications may cause tooth decay
White Bread may cause tooth decay
Potato chips may cause cancer
Flying may cause cancer/leuemia
Mosquito coils may cause cancer
Soft candles may cause respiratory problems
Colgate, Aquafresh, Sensodyne may cause depression, liver problems, cancer
Paint strippers may cause damage to the liver, kidney or brain, and cancer
Aspartame may cause liver cancer
Dental fillings may cause multiple sclerosis
Cling Wrap may cause health problems
Styrofoam cups and trays may cause health problems
Household cleaning fluids with pthalates may cause infertility

Feel free to comment with more

Who the hell is going to buy four copies of a DVD because they have different covers?

Especially when that movie is Sin City.

Collect them all, my hairy yellow butt.

“What is with this band?”

One of my pet peeves is unreliability.
If you cannot commit to something, say that you can’t commit – that you’re unsure – that you can’t do it. Don’t say that you can.
Once you make a commitment – you make a commitment.
Barring emergency.
Looks like we’re not going to the Penny Arcade Expo.

I don’t really care about CanCon, but American commercials upset me just slightly more than non-American ones, so there you have it. Plus I’m a SOCAN member so I stand, in theory, to get more royalties if the Thickets music gets used somehow somewhere.

As a result of recent CRTC decisions, two U.S. satellite radio companies, fronted by Canadians, will soon be flooding Canada with American programs – only 10% of the channels are required to be Canadian. Years of effort to build Canadian programming and artists, especially Canadian music, are at risk.

SOCAN, along with more than 20 other national creator, cultural and labour organizations, has joined hands with Friends of Canadian Broadcasting to petition the federal cabinet to set aside the two satellite pay radio decisions, and to propose a made-in-Canada solution. This coalition believes that the CRTC’s decisions, if allowed to stand, will set a dangerous precedent and create a slippery slope for the future of Canadian content on radio and television – and new broadcast technologies.

If you support this action, you can help defend Canadian content by sending a message to Prime Minister Paul Martin now, urging him to set aside the CRTC’s satellite radio decisions and to instruct the CRTC to find a Canadian approach to satellite radio.

To send a message, click on the link below or copy-and-paste into your browser:

http://friends.ca/payradio-socan-g5mt2

For more information, go to www.friends.ca

SOCAN is also aligned with nine other Quebec-based artist, composer and cultural organizations to similarly request that the Privy Council reverse the CRTC’s decisions. For more information, click on the link below or copy-and-paste into your browser:

http://www.adisq.com/doc/pdf/satellite/press_release.pdf

I flossed my teeth last night, and that’s news.

I saw a coyote last week while I was biking back from Marlo’s. It was dark and I saw something dart behind a car, then when I got further I saw the coyote standing on someone’s lawn looking around. I was maybe 20′ from it. So lock up your cats & daughters.