Toren Atkinson’s Absolute Blog

I am not patriotic. I think Canada is, comparatively, an excellent country in which to live and work. But I don’t feel I owe anything to a region of the planet that is marked by abstract boundaries from other such regions, that is governed by a bunch of rich white people who don’t care about me or millions of others like (or unlike) me, and that is founded on the blood of many people of all sorts of races and creeds, but particularly the aborigines.

Patriotism actually irks me. It seems such a backward, outdated idea. Why can’t we get past it? I’m sure different people have different reasons to feel patriotic, but quite often my sense is that it’s just a team spirit mentality – no different than being on a sports team whose motto is, essentially, “we’re better than you.” People around the world are pretty much the same. People of every skin colour, every religion, every nationality can be nice and can be jerks; can be humanitarians and can be rapists. I’ve known Asians and Native Americans and East Indians and they all laugh and say ‘good morning’ and jerk off and have their crabby days (presumably not all at the same time). Now if none of those groups of people are any better or worse than the rest of us, how silly is it to think that a group separated by an imaginary line on a map is any better or worse?

The other reason patriotism bugs me is its association with war. I don’t like war. I am against war. War is hell. And whenever war pops up, people start waving flags around. I guess my logic is a little flawed with this criticism of patriotism – it’s like being against hats because I don’t like the heads they’re on. Except hats keep people’s heads warm – patriotism has no practical purpose that I can see.

To be patriotic is to have pride. Now, I have pride in certain things – I’m proud of the book I wrote, of some paintings and drawings I’ve done. (I’m also critical of these things but that’s beside the point.) But to have pride in your association with a geographical location, or a body of people of whom you actually know only the most minute percentage? That doesn’t make much sense to me. But I have patriotic friends. You know who you are. You have your reasons, I’m sure, which I assume make sense to you and maybe someday they’ll make sense to me. I’m not expecting everyone to have the same beliefs as I. If you’ve got a good reason to be patriotic, besides “because Canada ROCKS!”, I’ll respect that. But for the time being I just wanted you to know that even though my birth certificate and driver’s license say I’m on the same team as you, I won’t be waving the “where I was born is important” flag. I am proud to associate with you for reasons that have nothing to do with nationality. And you’ll find I can be just as much a friend to Americans (and presumably others, should I get to know them).

What is that saying that I like to quote all the time? “There can be no world peace while patriotism exists.”

My band went on tour across Canada two times. Our van was broken into and things were stolen from it two times (one per tour). I lost one of my favourite shirts in Regina. (It was a Cthulhu shirt designed and printed by a UK artist.) I also lost a lot of the drawings for the Spaceship Zero roleplaying game. The drawings had to be started from scratch.

Today I found out that our brand new satyr-leg costumes were all stolen – along with the van that they were in.

I really, really hate theft.

The good news is, the costumes are being remade.

Well Marlo posted her wish list, now it’s my turn! For those who care:

CDs:
Muppet Show 25th Anniversary

DVDs/VHS:
Spider-Man – The ‘67 Collection
Home Movies Season 2
Complete Superman Cartoons: Diamond Anniversary Edition
Jonny Quest Season 1
My Neighbor Totoro

BOOKS (not to be purchased at Chapters please!):
Dungeon magazine subscription

Your Call Is Important to Us
When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops?

Misc:
Practically any miniatures that look cool – especially of monsters that I don’t already have and “rare” minis like female gnome monks, that sort of thing.
D&D Miniatures:
ABERRATIONS SET
Hook Horror
ARCHFIENDS SET
Ochre Jelly
Gauth!!!
DRAGONEYE SET
Carrion Crawler
HARBINGER SET
Displacer Beast

Those black plastic VHS tape cases
Stripey socks (not sports socks)

Look at all these awesome CDs I’m selling for $5 each. Who wants?

Bad Religion – Process of Belief
Bjork – TelegramSTEWIE
Cake – Fashion Nugget
Atom and His Package – A Society of People Named Elihu
Carter Burwell – Hudsucker Proxy sndtrk MJACKSON
– Raising Arizona/Blood Simple sndtrk
– Gods & MonstersMJACKSON
– Fargo/Barton Fink
Frank Black – Frank Black
– Teenager of the YearMBECK
CKY – Infiltrate Destroy Rebuild
Beck – Mellow Gold
Big Black – Songs About Fucking
– Hammer Party WARREN
– Rich Man’s 8-Track Tape
Brazil sndtrkAARON
Crystal Method – Vegas
Failure – Fantastic Planet
L7 – Beauty ProcessMJACKSON
- Hungry for Stink
Millencolin – Pennybridge Pioneers
Foofighters – Colour and the Shape
Filter – Short Bus
– Title of Record
Kraftwerk – Man MachineMJACKSON
KMFDM – Angst
Man or Astroman? – Project Infinity
Nirvana – In Utero
Sepultura – Roots
Simpsons – Go Simpsonic (music from tv series)
– Songs in the Key of Springfield (music from tv series)
Strokes – Is This It
Sebadoh – bakesale
– Bubble & Scrape
Royal Grand Prix – High Performance
Radiohead – Pablo HoneyMBECK
Puddy – Sweet stuff
Pavement – wowee zowee
– Crooked Rain Crooked Rain
Pennywise – Full Circle
– About Time
Veruca Salt – American Thighs
Transam – Futureworld
Tool – AenimaGEOFF
– Undertow
The Weakerthans – Left and Leaving
Ween – Painting the Town Brown
Jane’s Addiction – Ritual de lo Habitual
Star Wars Phantom Menace sndtrkADRIAN
John Williams – Star Wars TrilogyADRIAN
Glenn Miller – Pure Gold
Stereophonic Space Sound Unlimited plays Lost TV Themes
Space Age Pop Stereo Action Dimension vol 3
London Punkharmonic Orchestra – Symphony of Destruction
Simon & Garfunkle’s Greatest HitsMBECK
Khachaturian MBECK
Wagner – The RingGEOFF

Today on the bus ride to work, some kid forgot his/her lunch and left it sitting on the seat in front of me. Coworker John noticed it and we both rifled through it. I ate the sandwich and Taylor, John and I split the three cookies. I gave the carrots to Mike but didn’t tell him where they came from. John drank the fruit punch. Nobody touched the yogurt concoction.

I’ve never felt so alive!

BLACK EYED PEAS LYRICS

“My Humps”

What you gon’ do with all that junk?
All that junk inside your trunk?
I’ma get, get, get, get, you drunk,
Get you love drunk off my hump.
My hump, my hump, my hump, my hump, my hump,
My hump, my hump, my hump, my lovely little lumps. (Check it out)

I drive these brothers crazy,
I do it on the daily,
They treat me really nicely,
They buy me all these ice-ys.
Dolce & Gabbana,
Fendi and then Donna
Karan, they be sharin’
All their money got me wearin’ fly
But I ain’t askin,
They say they love my ass ‘n,
Seven Jeans, True Religion’s,
I say no, but they keep givin’
So I keep on takin’
And no I ain’t taken
We can keep on datin’
I keep on demonstrating.

My love, my love, my love, my love
You love my lady lumps,
My hump, my hump, my hump,
My humps they got u,
She’s got me spending.
(Oh) Spendin’ all your money on me and spending time on me.
She’s got me spendin’.
(Oh) Spendin’ all your money on me, up on me, on me

What you gon’ do with all that junk?
All that junk inside that trunk?
I’ma get, get, get, get, you drunk,
Get you love drunk off my hump.
What u gon’ do with all that ass?
All that ass inside them jeans?
I’m a make, make, make, make you scream
Make u scream, make you scream.
Cos of my hump, my hump, my hump, my hump.
My hump, my hump, my hump, my lovely lady lumps. (Check it out)

I met a girl down at the disco.
She said hey, hey, hey yea let’s go.
I could be your baby, you can be my honey
Lets spend time not money.
I mix your milk wit my cocoa puff,
Milky, milky cocoa,
Mix your milk with my cocoa puff, milky, milky riiiiiiight.

They say I’m really sexy,
The boys they wanna sex me.
They always standing next to me,
Always dancing next to me,
Tryin’ a feel my hump, hump.
Lookin’ at my lump, lump.
U can look but you can’t touch it,
If you touch it I’ma start some drama,
You don’t want no drama,
No, no drama, no, no, no, no drama
So don’t pull on my hand boy,
You ain’t my man, boy,
I’m just tryn’a dance boy,
And move my hump.

My hump, my hump, my hump, my hump,
My hump, my hump, my hump, my hump, my hump, my hump.
My lovely lady lumps [x3]
In the back and in the front.
My lovin’ got u,
She’s got me spendin’.
(Oh) Spendin’ all your money on me and spending time on me.
She’s got me spendin’.
(Oh) Spendin’ all your money on me, up on me, on me.

What you gon’ do with all that junk?
All that junk inside that trunk?
I’ma get, get, get, get you drunk,
Get you love drunk off my hump.
What you gon’ do with all that ass?
All that ass inside them jeans?
I’ma make, make, make, make you scream
Make you scream, make you scream.
What you gon do with all that junk?
All that junk inside that trunk?
I’ma get, get, get, get you drunk,
Get you love drunk off this hump.
What you gon’ do wit all that breast?
All that breast inside that shirt?
I’ma make, make, make, make you work
Make you work, work, make you work.
She’s got me spendin’.
Spendin all your money on me and spendin’ time on me
She’s got me spendin’.
Spendin’ all your money on me, up on me, on me.

I don’t want to watch movies on my computer. I don’t want to play games on my phone. And I certainly don’t want one device that does everything, because when it breaks, or gets lost, or the batteries run down, then I can’t do ANYTHING.

(Inspired by Stewie’s comment about mini “Lost” episodes being produced to watch on your phone.)

Today I watched Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire. We underestimated the demand for this movie last night (crowds are the reason I rarely see movies on opening night), so we got tickets for the first show this morning. I was afraid there were going to be screaming children but it worked out fine. I was actually more annoyed by the adult “squee” (as Marlo would say) fans who were to my left. Every time something would happen or a new character would appear on the screen there would be gasps. The movie itself is pretty good. I wouldn’t say it was the best, having had a few hours now to digest it. I still think Azkaban is the best. I’ll add some spoilers in the next paragraph. Chamber of Secrets is actually on in 6 minutes and I’ll watch it while I draw. I am really looking forward to King Kong. I am even more looking forward to Deep Sea 3D, which is a 3D imax pic that comes out next Spring. I saw the trailer in 3D and it looked amazing. We saw a bunch of trailers in front of Goblet of Fire but none of them really interested me (they didn’t show much of Superman), especially not the hiphop-dancing CG penguins.

One thing I’ve noticed about Harry Potter movies (books as well I assume) is that there’s all this stuff that happens, but quite often you don’t know what or why until the very end of the film, and the payoff usually isn’t that great. I would have liked to have seen what the villains were doing behind the scenes. I don’t need all the mysteries handed to me, by any means, but you seem to experience everything through Harry’s eyes and sometimes that can be frustrating. Maybe it’s different in the books. This is exacerbated by the fact that magic is everywhere and basically can negate reality and common sense, so that quite literally anything could be going on despite your best guesses given the clues. Sorcery is the ultimate deus ex machina.

Oddly, in Goblet of Fire, the parts I was most looking forward to were the least interesting, and the bits that sounded the least interesting before seeing the film were in fact the most interesting. For example: you would think a duel with a dragon would make a great transition to the screen, but it was a dull, predictable, and senseless display*. On the other hand, everything leading up to and including the ball was well-done and entertaining, and really gave something (finally) to the characters to display emotion towards that wasn’t Ron making a scared face and whimpering.

*Plus it bugs me how great fierce monsters that look like they’d strike like lightning with millenia-tested predatory instincts are always portrayed as bumbling and ineffectual. They always take forever to size up their opponents and can’t hit the broad side of a barn when they do lash out. Put a mouse in a basket with a snake, or a cricket in a terrarium with a frog, and the prey would be in the predator’s mouth in seconds. Put Harry Potter in a ring with a dragon and he dodges blow after blow and hides in a crevice as the dragon tries to figure out what the hell it’s doing. Yes I know it had a chain on it – but still. If Harry had outsmarted it, that would be one thing, but defeating it with speed and reaction, that just makes this supposedly nasty and terrible dragon look like a pussy.

Marlo’s back! And her front is too! Yay! She brought me back some DVDs and some exotic snacks! They took up way too much space in her luggage and I love her. Already I’ve watched Singin’ in the Rain, Gentlemen Prefer Blondes, Revenge of the Sith, Beijing Bicycle, and Roman Holiday. Singin’ and Blondes were both gaudy Hollywood, but Singin’ is great fun. Blondes had its moments but I found Marilyn Monroe annoying. I think it’s a real zeitgeist thang. I mean she’s fine when she’s being natural but when she puts on her pouty “sultry” face it looks like key chunks of it are about to explode, leaving the rest to slough off and reveal a Hellraiser-like visage of blood and muscle. Roman Holiday was probably my favourite of the era. Finally a movie with the perfect ending. I was really surprised. There should be more Hollywood endings like that.

We took a taxi from the airport to Marlo’s and she unpacked her multiple bags full of the spoils of tourism. Then we went to Locus for breakfast, watched half a movie, had a nap, dinner at Greens & Gourmet where there was a mind-numbing rigmarole at the checkout, then visiting with the kitties, another movie, and sleepover. I shuffled my work schedule so I could spend both Monday and Tuesday with Mar-mar. Tuesday morning I make her a continental breakfast (meaning sparse and plain) and then we went shopping. I watched Sith while Marlo uploaded photos and internetted. Then she made me dinner and I came home to take photos of Nathan for a drawing. So that was Monday-Tuesday in a boring nutshell.

I had to cancel D&D tonight because in all the Marlovian excitement I had forgotten about an appointment to record voiceover for Stewie’s Sword of the Stars video game trailer. They had recorded everyone else they needed by me so I scootched in after work today.

For some reason we’ve been getting Turner Classic Movies on channel 46 and that’s pretty bitchin’ – because there are no commercials. I finally got to see Raging Bull.

Today was Stephane & Sheri’s wedding. It was very nice. Not too formal. Very short ceremony. Almost no religious stuff. The justice of the peace was a woman. The food was good – the horseradish sauce was very potent. My diet was ignored, as I enjoyed multiple desserts, although I didn’t have any bread or rice. We (Stewie and I) got a ride there from Sheri’s brother John, but we took a cab to Richmond (the hall was in Delta) and the bus to our neighborhood. A fight almost broke out on the bus with some lowbrow punks in the back.

At the wedding Stewie and I played with fire (the candles) much to the dismay of the “grownups” and I was aghast to find out that the caterers wouldn’t let Stephane & Sheri take the leftovers home.