Toren Atkinson’s Absolute Blog

My new project is to copy and paste old blog entries to LiveJournal. I’m not sure why. Comment gluttony? Not all old entries, just ones that are still relevant. Or…whatever I feel like, really.

The breakup really made my world go topsy turvy. Not just emotionally, but practically. For the first time in years I really had long-term plans that seemed natural. We were going to move in together, we were going to go to China. I was excited about that stuff. I looked forward to it. During the past 2 weeks I’d been focusing my grief on the here and now, but once in a while something would come up to slap me in the face with a “yeah…that thing you took for granted? You aren’t going to be doing that anymore. What now, smart guy?” I feel stuck. I feel back where I started. I don’t like the dating process. In fact I will go further than that and say that I HATE the dating process. I guess most people do. I don’t want to think about it, but at times, when I am lonely, I feel it looming. Like at some point I am going to find myself back on Lavalife, and I dread it. I was extremely gratified to have been able to leave that behind me.

But I have lots more time before I have to worry about that. I am not over Marlo yet. I find myself in the awkward position of wanting to spend more time with her, to support one another and to be a friend…but at the same time wanting to get over her. It’s just so weird to not come and go as I please, to have to ask before I come over, to not call her at work every day to see what she wants to do for dinner.

Topsy-turvy.

Tonight Marlo and I went out for dinner and rented Scrubs from Rogers and also watched an episode of Kenny vs Spenny. I was glad that Marlo laughed at KvsS and Marlo was glad that I laughed at Scrubs. They had me at the very first episode we watched which featured the singer from Men At Work. I used to be a Men At Work fan when I was a teenager. I had two (both?) of their albums on cassette along with Thriller and…god, what else? The Police, The Pinheads, and Platinum Blonde I guess (the three P’s). And now I am listening to Men At Work again. “Dr Heckyll and Mr Jive” notwithstanding, most of it still holds up. Now that I think about it it’s a little eerie how the lyrics to “Overkill” apply to my life over the past two weeks (in fact tonight was our 2 week antiversary).

I can’t get to sleep
I think about the implications
Of diving in too deep
And possibly the complications
Especially at night
I worry over situations
I know will be alright
…it’s just overkill

Tonight was the first time we hung out with some semblance of normalcy since then. It wasn’t like the “old times” but it was good. We still have lots to do. We also taste-tested many chocolates for Kelly’s Bad Girl Chocolates line this year. Naughty!

More exciting news tomorrow.